love

|Substance| - "Soul Seeking" [6/11]

I thought I would find answers in other people.

This concept is explored and it leads to empowerment.

“Soul Seeking”

This numbing succumbing feeling

As I’m reeling from all the mistakes I make

Only to take less caution in future endeavors

Never to waver again at the proposition of connection

 

But the juxtaposition of a drifting magnet

To plastic bodies explains the non-adhesion

In this season for cuddling for warmth and embracing for no reason

Only to be teased for my listless wandering

 

As I’m pondering for an answer

But the answer is her but is it really?

Why must we crave connection when lines are frayed?

And get back out there when we get played

 

God damn, I wish she would’ve stayed

So I could cradler her heart in my arms

As her presence warms my soul

As our conversations cease to be droll

 

I ignore the issues

Begin to misuse my desire

My desire to retire nightly to

My name called lightly

 

The lips open and warm breath wisps

Her skin kisses mine as time stretches

My stomach wretches because this is all fake

 

As fake as a three dollar bill

As fake as a “make you smaller” pill

The only reality is the existence of my isolation

And the resistance to condemnation

Foray Into Performance [2/3]

As I performed more throughout college I wanted to write on a wide array of topics. I would normally write about my life and others around me but I was never able to show any of them to my mother.

This is one of them.

Mother

You smother me with love

But all I did was shove

Another attempt to mend our broken bond

Don't you get it that I'm not fond

Of you

 

Our relationship is like glue

It binds us from two

But wears out when we're stuck for too

Long

 

You and I don't get along

But don't you see? When I'm alone I hear a song

A soothing tone that goes to my bones

I'm erratic because I've just had it

Because you never leave me alone

 

In my time of singularity

I've found clarity

As to why my love for you is a rarity

And it's because I'm tired of you being a charity

 

Case

I've found my place

In the world in this vast space

The space where it's a race to see who can save their own face

From all the wrong doings they've done and try to efface what happened

 

Truth is the past never goes away

Until the day you lay

To rest but momma you're the best

I don't wanna see you go

But I love to watch you leave

I just needed a reprieve

 

So grieve!

At the death of what once was

Have my voice in your head like a buzz

And my good memories of you are starting to fuzz

Trying to remember what was

 

Our love

That I shoved away

But I don't want to see the day

Where I can shoot you a text that says "hey"

And you don't reply

 

Thus denying my attempt for a hem

In our relationship that used to be a gem

In the rough

Because childhood was tough

And you were always there

 

Tousling my hair

Cooling me off with your cool air

Of a motherly gale

Reading me a night time tale

 

So mother, don't fret when I block your smother

Because you are like no other

I just need time to forgive what you've done

And move on and make you proud that I'm your son.

Foray Into Performance [1/3]

Once at college, I decided to join an organization focused around performing arts in order to stay immersed in the craft. In addition to new clubs and friends there were also new girls.

In this poem I dissected the Friend Zone and Nice Guy mentality by switching to the woman's perspective. My views since then have changed, yet it's important to understand both sides of the coin. This poem was also the first one that I would perform in front of a large crowd.

Oops

Oops, I did it again.

Fell in love with your deceitful smile

Your eyes that look like crystal ponds

Your laugh that tears through me like bombs

Your golden locks

 

Oops, I did it again

Said something I shouldn’t have said

Imagine my fingers caressing the side of your head

Imagine me with you in bed

A life without you would make me dead

 

Oops, I did it again

Tried to break out of the friend zone

But you’re bringing other friends home

What happened to I want to be alone?

Did I miss something in your tone?

 

Oops, I did it again

"Let’s just be friends" she said

Oh that’s fine it’s not like the past few months haven’t been a waste of my time

I’m not trying to be brash but damn girl you’re like a rash

You never go away

 

Oops, I did it again

I look awkwardly and say hey

Now I’m stuck here caught in the fray

I just can’t wait for the day

For when you say

 

Oops, I did it again

Another fool lead on by my deceitful smile

My eyes of crystal ponds

My chuckle that makes knees buckle

And my locks as infectious as chicken pox

 

Oops, I did it again?

How is it my fault?

That you’d do anything for me

That you’d point out your faults for me

That you’d love me past the point of no return

Only to crash and burn

 

Oops, you did it again

Get a hint next time

Will there be a next time for a girl this fine?

Please get in line I’m not the girl to pine--

 

Over.

It’s all over.

No more Oops, no more doing things over

This girl makes me want to pick clovers

To find the one with four leafs

But all I’m left with is grief

And no luck for me

 

Oops, I did it again

Thinking that all there is to life is love

By myself I can reach new limits, heaven and above

I never needed you, push comes to shove

But I still love

 

You with your deceitful smile

Eyes of crystal ponds

Laugh of devastating bombs

Locks of pure gold

 

I guess I’ll have to see what the future holds.